I don't feel prepared to write this blog.
my heart is speaking to my mind, but the words don't mix.
I want to pull the feelings from my heart,
but they don't sound right.
Seconds before I was rushed off to the hospital to deliver my first baby, Natalie and Richie stood in the door of my house with sacks full of groceries. We then rushed to find Nick who was still working. I was ill prepared for the longest night of my life. Labor was intense..18 hours. In the thick of it, at the height of the pain, my mom and my husband fell asleep. I kept calling out to them, and they'd awake for a few seconds only to dose off again. Alone. I was so scared. The pain was literally swallowing me up. The dark was suffocating me. I felt like Jesus." I mean no disrespect. I litteraly felt, for the first time....like I understood a small part of what it was like for the Savior at Gethsemane. He was alone, left by his loved ones to fulfill his purpose. I realized no one could lift my burden. I felt abandoned. Everyone, with all their love and support stood on the side lines. The sun peaked. The pain ended and was replaced by the greatest gift, the First great thing I would ever accomplished. My daughter. Life.
Natalie and Richie wove their way into our hearts long ago. when I think of that day 6 years ago...that first TERRIBLE night and the first GREAT day of my whole life, I always see their kind smiles and willing hands. Tonight life hangs in the balance for my dear friend's child. Their son Gavin contracted RSV and a sever case of Pertussis while visiting Utah. He's a tiny 8 weeks old. On my drive to the hospital I worried. I wanted to help, but knew I was on the sidelines this time. The only thing I could think of was to collect sacks full of groceries. Masked, I was able to spend some time with her and see Gavin. His body was covered with tubes and wires, barely hanging on to life. I had no words to express how my heart was breaking for her. Natalie has unwavering faith, and an air of strength like very few I've ever known. I didn't want her to see the tears in my eyes, and hear the crack in my voice. It seemed so wrong that I'd have the luxury of crying as she stood fearless in the ICU. Still, as a mother I know her soul is shaking and her heart is in unrelenting pain. I know she feels like Jesus. No one can lift her burden. She stands willing. Unable to let her mind wander into the "what ifs" I know she'd except God's will for her and her child, but she refuses to let faith falter during her battle.
Please pray for my friend, as a mother, as a daughter, father, son, or friend of another, that her faith will keep her and our prayers will reach them. As a helpless by standard I have no other gift. You can read about Gavin's updates here..