April 3, 2010

can't sleep.......

I'm exsausted but I can't sleep.  I don't understand how my body can betray me like this , but yes it does...and far too often I might add.  The windows are open and I can hear the Washington rain pour down and I want to disappear.  In bed the other night I asked Nick if he thought about the past much.  I already knew the answer.  He doesn't.  I do.  I like memories.  I love catching a smell, or hearing a sound that makes me feel something I've lived before.  And so my husband helps me live courageously in the present, focused on building a beautiful tomorrow, and I secretly lay in the dark and revel in the stories of my life.  I blame my dad.  He's filled my life with tales, some true, many make believe, but all good, and all burned into my heart.    A life that makes a great story is strewn with ups and downs, great highs and terrible lows, love, heatbreak, failure, success, dissapointments and dreams.
Lately I feel like I'm in a constant battle between who I am, and who I am.  I know it doesn't make sense, but things get so busy, I see life passing too quickly and wonder how I'm ever going to grow up to be the woman I'm supposed to be.  I sleep tonight, intensly waiting for this chapter of my life to start and to end, so that I can finally see what kind of story I'm fit to become. 

Goodnight world.

7 comments:

Tmena said...

Yours is a wonderful story of inspiration and beauty. Thank you for giving me the courage to see things in a different light Miss Omi. I feel the same way about the past. It's an intricate part of who we are and it's woven ever so tightly into the fabric of our lives. You're an inspiration to many and definitely a woman worthy of imitation. Hope you got some sleep.
-Mena

p.s: I so love this post!

Pri*Sila said...

I cried.... When I read this. Thanks, and I love you!

Daisy said...

Beautiful! Have you read/heard Elder Uchtdorf's talk he gave at the General Young Women Meeting last week? It's a must read. It goes perfectly with what you wrote and is so uplifting. As are you!

Here's the link to his must watch talk! http://broadcast2.lds.org/general-conference/2010-april/2010-04-6050-president-dieter-f-uchtdorf-eng.wmv

kk Leilani said...

Omi, always an inspiration...speaking for those of us who are not quite as articulate, but we feel these things. It's a beautiful gift to bring your thoughts to life on paper, in pen or with pictures. You are a story teller...much like your dad. I love how you ihspire..can't wait to hear more of your stories of now and of old...

Shayne and Leslee said...

Omi,
You beautifully expressed the thoughts trapped in MY heart I've dwelt on so often! Thanks for capturing it so poignantly.
Leslee Keckley

Shayne and Leslee said...

Omi,
You beautifully expressed the thoughts trapped in MY heart I've dwelt on so often! Thanks for capturing it so poignantly.
Leslee Keckley

tema hola said...

omi think ur story is goin pretty great as of now! lol hello... im sure ur a great mother, an awesome photographer, and sure thats not all... i think its all great things that you've done! haha... i really enjoy lookin at ur pics and can see that u have a special eye for things! take care girl! by the way its tema! lol i got married so my new last name is hola if ya ever were like who the heck is tema hola?