July 8, 2011

Summer

I had a great childhood. At least I think it was great. Looking back, oh yeah... I can see that there were some problems and a few hardships. We had no money. We DID however have what some would call a "broken" home.  We moved way to often. We didn't take vacations. (Which I will clarify as neither a hardship or a problem, more like a "sucks to be you" thing.)  Both my parents worked..a lot.  BUT..Was I happy?  Yes.  Every DAY.  These "problems" are things I've only defined as an adult. Am I still happy?  YES!  EVERY DAY!  Kids don't think like adults, at least they didn't in my town in my day. I remember hating that I couldn't see over the counters, and was sure that all problems would vanish upon "growing up." That's the extent of my childhood issues.  I watch my kids and I wonder what they will remember most about thier lives. My best memories were the summers that seemed to last forever. Some would call it an unproductive use of time, but swimming, biking, exploring, bug trapping and night games are what my summer memories were built on. I catch myself trying to "make" memories for them.  Saying it out loud sounds tacky, but it's the truth. I'm not sure if it matters, or if this is the path of the spoiled kid, but lately.. Like the last 6 months, it's how I want to spend my time, and when I say time..I mean ALL my time.  My children are only small for a brief moment, and that gift feels like water in my clumsy hands. Today my 3 year old is swimming.  Head under the water, kicking, flailing his arms, and propelling himself forward a few inches. We moms call "that" swimming. I can see my building of memories is not compleat. Today, maybe tomorrow and for the next 12-20 years we are going to be under construction.  I measure the success of my life by the happiness I feel.  It's not a gage everyone can appreciate, but it's the way I'm built.  I am the one who has to live with myself.  Maybe the word is JOY.  Or maybe it's PEACE.  At times I am prone to sadness.  I have known my share of heart break.  I can also say with out any hesitation that it has always passed as it always will, and what remains is HAPPINESS.  I'm not sure if my children will learn to build a life of Joy, but it is my wish for them and for all those who seek it.  A life of Happiness isn't devoid of pain, fear, or frustration.  It is a journey in which all things can be conquered and all things are possible...both good and bad and knowing in the end YOU WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO STAND.  Much LOVE - O
recorded on my iphone

1 comment:

Puanani said...

I needed this today! XOXO